tyaari theak thaak chal rahi h..kal test deta huin aur fir dekhunga ki MISSION 172 m kya kami h .

kuchh bhi ho iss bar har haal m 172 lane h ...enough is enough ..ab to aandu paandu bhi kehte h "concept" k bare main gyaan dete h ..... ye kya ho raha .bholenath n kuchh tagda hi soch rakha h ..yaa to top ya pure botton ..let's see ....kal SI ka mains h main nahi de raha huin ...nxt yr dekhte h ab o OBC ka certificate bana hua h ,,,,,,,,,,,

SI pre result and SSC Mains exam

Ah ..Last sunday I had SSC mains exam 2013 (Re- exam) , hoping to get my name in interview call . it gives me immense satisfaction that I did well in my main exam , more than I used to expect . though my well(satisfaction) level may not be sufficient to get a gud job but i'm the  person who get satisfied very easily , don't know why I have this kind of attitude . I know many people who were average or below average during school days and they are scoring 60-70 marks more than me but still not satisfied .

I confess that I have this jealous nature and this is the main reason of my downfall in present and future also . I see people around me who were no that gud enough to join army , navy or any reputed government job but now they are all there and i'm sitting at home in the same room and same chair which I used to sit in my 10th standard. I know I should not judge others but yes it's true they are not that gud enough .
one can see my pessimism , that even after performing well in my mains exam i'm more concerned about others . I don't know how to end these thoughts . I don't even realize how world has changed around me and even today after seeing these i'm not giving my 100% , which really concern me . I lack this perseverance characterstics , ek aag jo mujhe jalaae rakhe . ...Bholenath please help ..give me some enlightenment that I could fulfil my father's dream . now every time I see my father I rarely make eye contact with him ..why me and you(bholenath) giving pain to the greatest man of this world . I want nothing in my life just to give that momentary happiness that his son's name is in UPSC list . God you are free after that .

vinay ke liye bhi dukhi huin .. as he was preparing for civil from the beginning of this year and lost practice of maths ..not able to perform to his expected level .

Now both of has to start preparing for SSC CGL-14 , which is going to be held on the 19th of next month . Kuchh bhi ho jaye iss baar ssc ka topper bann na h ..bahut ho gay a,..enough is enough ..

Now the time has come that people should know Mahipal ka ladka competition main utra h .

MISSION 172 . in pre started .

SI pre ka bhi result aa gaya , as expected awarded 0 marks . JEEVAN mein ek baar SI jaroor lagna h ..koi baat nahi nxt year pakka... 

now my ssc pre coaching is over and have to start and to maintain my study flow for at least nxt 3-4 months and  from today onwards can't make any excuse that this part in math/GS/English is not taught .......... to be true to whom I was making these lame excuses it is I  no one else .

But last week was not a normal week ..one of my friend did his biggest mistake and from the core of my heart I would say things between vi , su and me will not be same again .

Lesson learnt :-
1) kasme wade pyar wafa ye sab batein baton ka kya ..koi kissi ka nahi h pagle .

Result :-
Lost my most trustworthy friend , after seeing his message to another friend ,really felt that he was hiding so many things in his heart and it was really painful that the root cause of all that is MONEY .

to which I considered till this day a least important in my life and no importance in friendship .

During my employment days much part went to financing my friends .

2) it's came to know about it early , now no more friends , this small heart can't take more ..it's ENOUGH.

I agree money is important and it plays an important part in every relationship but I can't imagine that my friend would reach at that bottom level and now he is giving  "excuse" that bcz of a particular personal problem he did that.

On this I completely agree that he got a real a very huge issue at home for which I also felt many times that I can't help his family but I also know that it can't be mixed or become an excuse for what he did last week ..

ab kaun h ...sirf ghar wale jinke liye kabhi kuchh nahi kiya ..unki ummeede todi ...wo kehte rahe dost k peeche itna matt pagal ho ...aur aaj sahi mein garv se keh sakta huin jis dost par jitna bharosa kara usne utna hi zor se chhoora ghopa ...kai to aise h 2-3 baar ghonp chuke h lekin main halke m le leta huin

why it is so that I take many heavy things lightly ...may bcz of my weak WILL POWER .
 

didn't study today ..bcz I had wonderful exam yesterday . how can I forget yesterday , I have been waiting for that day since 26 oct 2013 , the day on which I failed to pass delhi police SI physical . that was really shame for me n on that I promised myself that I will quit all the things to which I was addicted to like sm***, dri** .

but the most interesting part is that after coming out the exam and reaching Navada metro station and just enter my friend's car whom I met him after 10-11 mnths I realized that I forget to fill dots in OMR sheet for test form no though I have written the number but forget to fill the dots ..ahahahaha I don't how to react on this ..no normal person can do this . I've been dreaming for this job since 4th class when my father told me that he was selected as SI in DP in 75-76 but that batch got cancelled . 


n see wat I did ..                                     output

1)     4 yrs of engineering ----            WASTED(degenerated my physical endurance)
2)      2.5 yrs as SSE in an MNC ----  WASTED(become brand ambassador of cough syrup)
3) last year appeared in this exam think it as halua (easy to crack)

can't even discuss this even to closest to closest friend ..but speak about this to that same friend to whom I met yesterday after the exam ..bcz just after 5 minutes with him I realized this guy called me 2 yrs back and told me the same BLUNDER in some other exam which I performed just few minutes before ... n after telling we both were laughing at each other n I was cursing him that It had happened because of him bcz I was feeling exciting during the exam bcz I mind

writing after a long time , last week read autobiography of greatest man of last century i.e Mohammad ali . What a great man he is , how he fight against all the odds and become undisputed greatest boxer .

Really amazed these great man are made up of not only different skin but also very different mind set .
While reading about him I was comparing myself with him and I find how weak I am before him .
Really I need to change whole my area above my arctic circle otherwise will get freezed very soon . Why i'm lacking perseverance and will ..though I have one of the best situation to fight and rise from the dust , why i'm not taking this as an opportunity .

My Situation.

1) Eldest among two brother
2) belong to lower middle class family
3) most part of my father's income (pre retirement) went to paying my n my brother's school , tuition , college(Pvt engineering) , hostel , my monthly expenses during those 4 years and our other monetory dreams which started since we started going to school.

and finally what my father gets in return , to be true NOTHING ....Yes I should be ashamed of myself that since 11 jan 1988 I did nothing for my hero , my ideal , whom I started copying from my early childhood.

what a great man he is , still he is hoping a good news from our end (me n my brother ) and especially from me ... I know it ...ok for today this much is enough .

ah . . good news coming from my younger brother side , he got respectable score in UPSC (mains) though not able to qualify but we should also know that it was his first attempt and I can see my father much more energetic and new lightening in his eyes bcz we all in my family knows that my brother is hard studying person n it's a good thing that now my father will start taking interest in our studies as he used to do in my school days ...not in college days bcz I was 3000 km from him and on phone you have freedom to say that you are studying hard and bcz of some reasons not able to convert that hard work into marks...

yes, after long time something has infused good amount of positive energy into me also ..ok over n out
 

hi there,

well these days seeing things around me as a muck spectator , how people have changed their attitude towards me .Never mind ..how long god will test my patience ..he should know it's not me who is waiting for my good results ..he should know it is my father who hasn't listened a result as desired by him for himself and now me .

this sunday having exam of Delhi police SI let's see...