now my ssc pre coaching is over and have to start and to maintain my study flow for at least nxt 3-4 months and  from today onwards can't make any excuse that this part in math/GS/English is not taught .......... to be true to whom I was making these lame excuses it is I  no one else .

But last week was not a normal week ..one of my friend did his biggest mistake and from the core of my heart I would say things between vi , su and me will not be same again .

Lesson learnt :-
1) kasme wade pyar wafa ye sab batein baton ka kya ..koi kissi ka nahi h pagle .

Result :-
Lost my most trustworthy friend , after seeing his message to another friend ,really felt that he was hiding so many things in his heart and it was really painful that the root cause of all that is MONEY .

to which I considered till this day a least important in my life and no importance in friendship .

During my employment days much part went to financing my friends .

2) it's came to know about it early , now no more friends , this small heart can't take more ..it's ENOUGH.

I agree money is important and it plays an important part in every relationship but I can't imagine that my friend would reach at that bottom level and now he is giving  "excuse" that bcz of a particular personal problem he did that.

On this I completely agree that he got a real a very huge issue at home for which I also felt many times that I can't help his family but I also know that it can't be mixed or become an excuse for what he did last week ..

ab kaun h ...sirf ghar wale jinke liye kabhi kuchh nahi kiya ..unki ummeede todi ...wo kehte rahe dost k peeche itna matt pagal ho ...aur aaj sahi mein garv se keh sakta huin jis dost par jitna bharosa kara usne utna hi zor se chhoora ghopa ...kai to aise h 2-3 baar ghonp chuke h lekin main halke m le leta huin

why it is so that I take many heavy things lightly ...may bcz of my weak WILL POWER .
 

didn't study today ..bcz I had wonderful exam yesterday . how can I forget yesterday , I have been waiting for that day since 26 oct 2013 , the day on which I failed to pass delhi police SI physical . that was really shame for me n on that I promised myself that I will quit all the things to which I was addicted to like sm***, dri** .

but the most interesting part is that after coming out the exam and reaching Navada metro station and just enter my friend's car whom I met him after 10-11 mnths I realized that I forget to fill dots in OMR sheet for test form no though I have written the number but forget to fill the dots ..ahahahaha I don't how to react on this ..no normal person can do this . I've been dreaming for this job since 4th class when my father told me that he was selected as SI in DP in 75-76 but that batch got cancelled . 


n see wat I did ..                                     output

1)     4 yrs of engineering ----            WASTED(degenerated my physical endurance)
2)      2.5 yrs as SSE in an MNC ----  WASTED(become brand ambassador of cough syrup)
3) last year appeared in this exam think it as halua (easy to crack)

can't even discuss this even to closest to closest friend ..but speak about this to that same friend to whom I met yesterday after the exam ..bcz just after 5 minutes with him I realized this guy called me 2 yrs back and told me the same BLUNDER in some other exam which I performed just few minutes before ... n after telling we both were laughing at each other n I was cursing him that It had happened because of him bcz I was feeling exciting during the exam bcz I mind

writing after a long time , last week read autobiography of greatest man of last century i.e Mohammad ali . What a great man he is , how he fight against all the odds and become undisputed greatest boxer .

Really amazed these great man are made up of not only different skin but also very different mind set .
While reading about him I was comparing myself with him and I find how weak I am before him .
Really I need to change whole my area above my arctic circle otherwise will get freezed very soon . Why i'm lacking perseverance and will ..though I have one of the best situation to fight and rise from the dust , why i'm not taking this as an opportunity .

My Situation.

1) Eldest among two brother
2) belong to lower middle class family
3) most part of my father's income (pre retirement) went to paying my n my brother's school , tuition , college(Pvt engineering) , hostel , my monthly expenses during those 4 years and our other monetory dreams which started since we started going to school.

and finally what my father gets in return , to be true NOTHING ....Yes I should be ashamed of myself that since 11 jan 1988 I did nothing for my hero , my ideal , whom I started copying from my early childhood.

what a great man he is , still he is hoping a good news from our end (me n my brother ) and especially from me ... I know it ...ok for today this much is enough .