ah . . good news coming from my younger brother side , he got respectable score in UPSC (mains) though not able to qualify but we should also know that it was his first attempt and I can see my father much more energetic and new lightening in his eyes bcz we all in my family knows that my brother is hard studying person n it's a good thing that now my father will start taking interest in our studies as he used to do in my school days ...not in college days bcz I was 3000 km from him and on phone you have freedom to say that you are studying hard and bcz of some reasons not able to convert that hard work into marks...

yes, after long time something has infused good amount of positive energy into me also ..ok over n out
 

hi there,

well these days seeing things around me as a muck spectator , how people have changed their attitude towards me .Never mind ..how long god will test my patience ..he should know it's not me who is waiting for my good results ..he should know it is my father who hasn't listened a result as desired by him for himself and now me .

this sunday having exam of Delhi police SI let's see... 

now ..I  have to move from these pessimistic n vaahiyaat views ...have to look life really very differently otherwise situation won't uplift ..it will become more severe ...

Now at this point of time to re-start my thinking process , means want to move to optimistic person as iwas till few months back ..always hoping and thinking only "  brighter side" ..always saying dharmendra's apne dialogue " hit it hard before it hits you bad ..maro salli iss zindagi ""...really to re-invent myself as I have no choice , I have to think about my school  and college days ...n most importantly my Hostel days ...I can't control my smile n inner voice which is repeatedly now yelling ...yes those were the best days of my life ...during those days I wasn't focussed but always wanted to fulfil my father's dream ...from childhood I used to listen from my father's friends , uncles and other family members how good he was in studies , field work , sports , his fast bowling , volleyball smashes n sixes , how great fighter he was ....as a kid n till today I always wanted to be like him .

to keep his eyes n nose in straight position I scored well in 10 n 12 ..always involved in sports and did really well ...now today I am promising myself to start working hard for those masculine eyes and  love ,,,which always feel me like a cub because he is and will always be LION to me ... 

last 3 days went like a flash...only thinking about my family future ..how my parents did for me since 11 jan 1988 ...n till now I can't even give them a proper smile ...always they have secret fear for me ...what I will do nxt second bcz i'm unpredictable .. I don't know why this characteristic still has some traits in me ...I 'know this n last blog contain lot of pessimism but it's truth ..even i'm not able to measure the agony of my parents bcz of me ...this month a big exam ahead..... lets see

dharmendra's sher " chal rahe to batane ki jaroorat nahi h ..rook gaye jis din poochhega koi nahi ...jaante h jo dhol vo peet te nahi ..chalte rehte h bus mud kar dekhte nahi "

using blogs as medium to flush out my negative thoughts or to express what i'm thinking nw a days .
bholenath...... give strength to fulfil my father's dream ..till this date you have done very good for me .